...And The Rest Will Follow

I need a break from reading so I’m going to write for a while. I have a ridiculously busy week, but I can’t be without my usual quota of thought. I had an idea of what I wanted to write about this week, but it has kind of broadened and changed. As I perused random corners of the internet I stumbled upon a Martin Luther King Jr. quote that I thought accurately supported last week’s blog while segueing nicely into the general vicinity of my new topic, thusly reproduced for your convenience:

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.

I’m going to trash the context in conventional Christian vogue in favor of examining the assumptions he uses as a foundation. And yes, I think that if the education system taught context clues better, the number of Christian denominations would be a fraction of what it currently is. Welcome to the jungle; we have arguments for the sake of argument-having. As Dr. King so presumptuously stated, we all want the power to love for whatever reason. Oh, side note: I think Martin Luther King Jr. was beyond brilliant and one of the true heroes of our time. That quote has so many awesome statements, I could be set with writing material for a month. I’m being sadistically satirical in my portrayals for a reason, or maybe satirically sadistic. Anyway, he is right, is he not? Within each one of us exists this desire for “love” by whatever definition you choose to call it. Again, for your convenience, I’ll sum up my definition so you know what I am thinking as I go about writing the rest of this. The most important parts of my definition are those most likely not to be accepted by any english teacher, the definition by negation, or transcendence of two common definitions. The love I am talking about isn’t the physical or emotional aspects, though it does beget the former two. I won’t quote 1 Corinthians because I’m sure pretty much everyone has heard it, but I’ll draw attention to several important qualities. Love is trusting, honest, compassionate, selfless, and sacrificial. This sequence of traits travels from an oddity among humanity to sheer contradiction of the human condition. So, once again, we arrive at this question. Why?

Why do we trust other people with our hearts? It is one of the most ignorant and naïve ideas I can think of. Even from a Christian perspective, we know we are all fallen from grace, from God, from love. Opening up just invites pain and betrayal into perpetuation. How can the benefits outweigh the risks? Do we just comply because trust is a necessary component of love and we are commanded to love? Are we really just seeking gain for ourselves? Are we just clinging to hope? I believe the answer, while beautifully constructed truthfully in the Word, does have a proximate secular précis, illustrated by a voice familiar to most of us. Spake the wise man, “Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone.” Any guesses? Chock up another point for the C.S. Lewis win-column. It is to him I dedicate that artfully crafted, narrative archaism. Ignoring the group of people who do conform readily to this position, I just want to pull back and look at the other side in which I formerly included myself. This statement suggests that humans are relational at the core, so what about those humans who don’t see themselves as relational? More often than not, I would say that they are probably fooling themselves and are jaded by some sense of arrogant superiority. However, on the off chance that that isn’t the case, I would argue that God pulled the ol’ switcheroo on them. Those people, who likely can accurately be described as introverted, have a much deeper relationship with themselves, the product of more time spent in self-examination. The best way (fortunately for my argument) to examine something is to look at it. The best way to look at something, is to not be the something you’re looking at. For example, say you want to look at your own eye. It’s impossible to do just sitting in your chair, right? *Hires lawyers to defend against all the eye-dislocation lawsuits* You could look in a mirror, but it’s still really difficult to look at any part of your eye that isn’t dead center because you have to move your eye to do so. Which brings me to my probable best solution, *calls lawyer again for all the blindness and undiagnosed epilepsy suits* taking a picture of your eye. And in effect, what are you doing when you take a picture? You are creating a separate entity to examine. Similarly (although substantially less literally barring some crazy advancement in cloning), we examine ourselves by looking from an outside perspective, or even several. I argue that this action is in itself an embracement of the human relational quality even before considering the relationship with God that is inherent in the process. Okay, if you really want me to back up the statement, “No one wants to be alone,” fully, you’ll have to ask me, but trust that I am up to the challenge for now. C.S. Lewis has, in my opinion, defined the "real" human condition perfectly. Why do we love? We are defined by love. We are broken and desperate for love, every single one of us. We cannot not love. Show me one person who has never acted lovingly once in his or her life. Love is written on our hearts and our very being by God and it is by and through that love that we are drawn to him. Think about all the times during the day that you are drawn to compliment or smile at someone that you may not even know instead of stealing their possessions. What is going through your mind? If it’s not, “Oh, if I hurt this person and steal from them, there will be legal ramifications for me,” I can all but guarantee that the impulse has its roots in the way God has painted your identity to lead you closer to him. I think that's pretty cool. So then let's go back and look at the first half of the quote from Lewis. Why does losing hurt? A connection severed is a piece of love being torn away and replaced, most likely, by some form of hostility. Imagine removing a portion of your pillow stuffing and replacing it with thumb tacks. That, but subtler and within our own hearts, the co-source of our identities. Our hearts thrive on love and the characteristics it invites. Doesn't it then make sense that pain ensues from the forcible removal of those traits and injection of the derivatives of hate?

Okay, this is getting obscenely long and I, despite the underground consensus that I am not human, do actually require sleep. I don’t really have a “point” this time per se. This was more or less just food for thought, but I’m guessing and I hope that if nothing else, this got the term “love” spinning around in your brain, which is good. I think having a solid definition of something so engrained in our existence is crucial, and not only a definition, but a sense of how it is involved in our identities and how best to be the writing instrument with which it is written on others’ hearts. That’s all I’ve got. Peace.

Event Horizon

Let me take you on a journey to a place you may not have visited for some time. Think of this place like a cave, but not one of those caves you see advertised all over the southwest to attract tourists. My biggest problem with those kinds of caves, by the way, is not the ridiculous marketing involved, or the fact that the group in your tour is always obnoxious. It’s how the guide acts like it’s his or her job to sell the concept of a cave to you, or worse, the story of a poverty-stricken lad turned spelunker extraordinaire. I mean, I am sure it is a great story, but I go to a cave for the same reason I go to the Grand Canyon, or any other natural phenomenon for that matter, it is art painted by God, and I want to enjoy it. Spend money on lighting the stupid thing correctly, play some classical music, and I’m good. Anyway, I digress. If you’re picturing a cool cave, stop it, or better yet, pretend you’re the poverty-stricken lad turned spelunker extraordinaire. You’re crawling through this pitch black tunnel, barely big enough for you to squeeze yourself through with only a light on your helmet to make sure you don’t impale yourself or fall to your death. Suddenly the tunnel opens into a vast space, but for some reason, whenever you enter the space, your light goes out. No, this isn’t a stupid horror movie with cave monsters, but there is something in the cave. You just have no idea what it is or how to figure out what it is. There is some barrier at the entrance to the cave that bars the shedding of light on any part of this space. Okay, that’s your imagery for the remainder of the blog, so place it daintily in your hippocampus and don’t touch it.

Now, I imagine there are several questions revolving around the scenario, so I will focus on several preliminary ones and the move on to the eventuality, which will hopefully also be a question. The most obvious question is what is the cave? I’m going to skip that one for now because it will be apparent with the answer to the second question; what is in the cave? And moving on, what does it take to genuinely forgive someone?

….sorry, I was waiting until I saw enough light bulbs go on. Also, just so you know, my mind skips like a vinyl sometimes, so if you ever get pissed off while having a conversation with me, feel free to punch me in the shoulder and tell me to focus. No, that doesn’t mean I advocate violence against record players or any other old media; they should be revered for their wisdom. Back to the matter at hand. I feel like we could all use a lesson in forgiveness, not only because it is potentially nigh impossible to accomplish, but also because it is downplayed far too much in our lives. We hear all around us that we are unique and special. We hear that we deserve things to make us feel unique and special. We hear that if people don’t like us for who we are, we should just say, “Screw ‘em,” and ignore whatever they say. Well here’s the issue with that; if you are behind that person in line at the grocery store a year later and overhear that they are five bucks short and can’t pay, how likely are you to give them a hand? Probably about the same likelihood that you’ll lend them the five dollars (see what I did there?). I would like to think I am a generally nice guy, and you know what? If it happened the same day a few hours apart, it would probably be fresh enough in my head that I could consciously forgive the person and help them. That’s not the issue I’m talking about. I’m talking about the caves in our hearts, those instances we have forgotten. Unfortunately, they do not just go away; they weigh us down and believe me, they are heavy. Even if you want to take the stance of, “Erik, I’m pretty sure that in 20 years, I won’t care anymore and I’d be able to treat that person just fine,” I still have three bones to pick with you. First off, your grammar is poor and you shouldn’t settle for just treating someone “fine.” Secondly, depending on what the circumstance was, I call shenanigans and say that we humans are very capable of harboring hostility for decades. Last, and most importantly, my illustration is as literal as it is…illustrative. There is a hole bored into your heart and mind when you bury those situations. That hole is not only a part of your heart that you can’t use proactively, but also a brick in an ever-growing wall between you and others with whom you have and wish to have healthy(ish) relationships. If there’s any other reasons for harboring enmity that you’d like me to shoot down, feel free to inquire within. I must press on.

So if we assume that this is actually a problem (I’m sick of math classes barging in on the way I think, but at the risk of alienating any of you any further, I’ll allow it this one time), how can we go about forgiveness? Well one thing I would suggest, and I apologize if I beat this horse to death and then beat its identical twin brother to death with the recently deceased, is communication. If I have a scoreboard at the end of my life for how many novel ideas I have, most of the points will be for this suggestion because most people will ignore it and still be shocked to find later in life that it actually works. But let us, again, continue our assumptions and say that you have told said offender what happened and he or she either did not apologize, or you are still not satisfied with their apology. I am also going to lump, person-I’ll-never-see-again into this category. If the case follows one of those rules, the burden falls to you. If he or she just didn’t apologize, then you need to make the realization that you may not have the influence necessary to change him or her. Be sad for that fact and do your best to continue to love the person. You may change him or her, you may not, but harboring anger is not worth the cost of happiness and love. Which brings me to the other category, there is something wrong with you. Just kidding, but seriously, not all offenses continue to barrage us because of the other person’s attitude. In fact, I would argue a majority of latent ill will is due to our inability to forgive ourselves or personally deal with the issue. Because these issues are most likely very specific, there is no way for me to give advice on how to deal with them all, but I will at least say a couple things. Looking at another example, someone in passing says he or she could never see him or herself with someone who was overweight. Unbeknownst to him or her, you are very self-conscious about your weight and henceforth cannot stand to be around the person. You forget about it entirely over the next couple years and maybe even move away, but in every subsequent relationship that you have, you can’t help but have a nagging feeling in the back of your mind like this person, whom you may even love and who loves you back, doesn’t find you attractive. What do you do when you don’t even realize what the problem is? To borrow a quote from my professor (no, computer science, actually, before you ask), “Focus on what you know and use it to figure out what you don’t know.” Application: we know what love looks like, no matter if it is romantic or not. We have a perfect illustration of love shown to us in the person of Jesus Christ. Use it. Compare the way in which you feel to how Jesus acted. Why do you not trust this person that loves you when they say that you are attractive? Love always trusts and is always honest. Trace that feeling of inadequacy or fear back. I believe that there is no issue in our lives the cause of which is truly lost to us. When you arrive at the root, above all, do not let it slip away again. Don’t push it back down and whenever it hits you, force yourself to hit right back. Tell the original person who caused it that you’re sorry for basing your image of them on one specific event, out loud or in your head. I know it seems stupid, but it really does help. Then tell yourself that you forgive yourself. Then ask God to take whatever it is away. Rinse. Dry. Repeat. It sounds like something off a shrink’s couch, I know, and for some issues, it’s not necessary, but I know I’ve had to actually do this for something at least once, so I know other people do too. Be consistent and determined in the pursuit of forgiveness and you won’t fail. That’s the bottom line. And I’m not preaching here for the record, nor do I profess aptitude. I suck at forgiving myself and this was cathartic for me as I wrote it, hence the franticness of the last bit there. Anyway, I hope somebody somewhere actually is able to benefit as well. If not, hopefully when Google takes over the world, it will remember my blog and be a more forgiving overlord. Peace.

The End. The Beginning.

edit: I'm pissed that blogspot decided to freak out and delete the anticipatory entry I wrote this afternoon, but in the big scheme of things, it doesn't matter at all. So here you go:

Okay, so for those who have never read anything by me before, you should probably know that I am very deliberate in my writing. If I write it down, I mean it and there's probably a reason for the way I phrased it. So when you're sitting there thinking, "What a tool. He's just using big words to make himself sound smart," you're probably right, but that doesn't make anything I say any less valid. And even if it does, you're the one reading this trash so the joke's on you. Anyway, that was just a disclaimer.

(Insert antiquated yet somehow still applicable transition here.)
Duck you fools! (Okay maybe not antiquated, but it sounds like something a genetic splicing of Gandalf with Prof. Farnsworth would say so I'm going with it.)

I originally used the parenthesis as a placeholder while I was writing because I was going to think of an actual transition, but I thought the end result was a more accurate representation of the way I think. The name of this page is The Armistice Resonance. It was the product of quite a bit of thought on words in general that I identify with and other concepts I deem worth thinking about. I started out on the concept of silence and its role in our relationship with God. Subsequently, I related it to sound in general and started to think of a theme for the blog. I'm not going to tell you the theme that I decided on, but I thought I'd let you know I'm not just dithering about aimlessly. In any case, the title has three prominent meanings:

1. The literal conjunction of the two concepts of peace and a clamor (note the omission of a 'u' in clamor...see. Intentionality.) as it applies to our lives as Christians and as humans.
2. The play on words relative to "Armed Resistance."
3. The fact that each member of Mute Math has more talent musically than I could ever hope to have.

Here's the last (most likely) cue I am giving you regarding my writing style: I changed the previous sentence from, "...is more talented...," to what it is currently. Why? To subconsciously brainwash you into believing that all our abilities are given by God instead of inherent in our existence? Maybe to hinge the members' definitions less on their music and more on their humanity? Or maybe I just wanted to freak you out into reading way too far into everything I write. Maybe this whole blog is going to be like a big, pointless "choose your own adventure" novel. Regardless, I just wanted to draw your attention to subtleties you are no doubt being deprived of in your everyday life.

Now that all formalities are dispensed with, I dive into what I actually wanted to write about tonight. As I read Stephen Christian's The Orphaned Anything's over the summer, I found myself meditating on our generation, more specifically, our generation's attitude. The short novel is, for lack of a better word, profound as it can be on that matter, or so my experiences thus far have dictated; I would recommend you all read it. Sifting through the childlike ardor that stole my thoughts as I caught all the lyrics referenced in the book, I arrived at a pretty simple conclusion based on the main character's disposition (I also have to give a big www.shoutout.com (Don't go to this site. It's probably porn (Can I parenthesize inside parentheses [Do I need to alternate types of symbols like a math equation?]?).) to Sam for the conversation we had regarding this topic and leading to my enhanced awareness). Bet you forgot what I was talking about. I really think that we as a generation need to focus on keeping a positive outlook on each day. Negativity has covered our minds and demeanors like a pestilence. This semester, I've kept note of all the times during the day that I feel predisposed to a negative reaction. Granted, my mood and often the circumstances of the day dictate my responses and thoughts, but are those really excuses? Are those days any less awesome (in the "God has made this day" sense of the word)? The fingerprints of love saturate every single day without exception. So my question is why do we have such a hard time acknowledging it? I for one am rebelliously opposed to perpetuating a chain of bitterness. I am inclined to go back to the wave model of interpersonal communication where one interaction affects a person and they, in turn, act differently in the rest of their interactions for a period of time. If I send a ripple of bitterness into two peoples' lives and they do the same, those feelings spread and grow exponentially inevitably leading someone to say, "Bro, you need to chill with this natty." But seriously, even without considering the scourge upon our lives that is the Bro movement (which I have just decided to forthwith and hereafter refer to as "the Brodeo"), I think we need to reexamine our relational tendencies.

The big question rightfully becomes, "How?" and I don't think the answer comes easily. When we ask that question, we are actually asking, "How can I always be happy?" because to just appear happy to others would be dishonest, or at the very least, misleading. So, in loving Socratic fashion I counter, "How do you experience joy and love?" I don't mean this in a romantic sense at all. Everyone needs to have some way to find joy and feel loved in his or her life every day. I emphasize "needs" and don't diminish the true meaning of the word. It took me a very, very long time to realize all the different ways that I am really loved here at Taylor; the means are far more subtle than would seem necessary to host such an idolized word. When all else fails, I remember that God doesn't speak through earthquakes or roaring fires, but in the faintest of whispers. This leads me to a commonly devalued concept: True receptivity of love (meaning the propensity for the reception of love) stems from the ability to communicate honestly, willingly, and shamelessly. My definition of communicate revolves around both the way one expresses his or herself and the way one listens. So there it is; I think we need to control ourselves and make genuine efforts in all our relationships. Novel idea, I know, but hopefully pertinent to someone.

I think I've rambled on long enough, so I'm done for the night. I'm going to try and do something on here once a week. We'll see how that goes. Really fast though, let me step on my music recommendation soap box and tell everyone to listen to the new Anberlin album. Stephen is an amazing lyricist and vocalist. They really outdid themselves. As they are somewhat applicable to what I wrote about, I'll leave you with part of the song Depraved:

Are you depraved, or are you deceived?
Excuses aside, stop saying please.
You're not a slave, so get off your knees.

-Erik